Monday, August 11, 2014

Being ME, Being FREE

 I have a confession. I don't EVER post pictures of myself. In fact I don't let people take pictures of me. Why? Because I am fat. Well, no not really. I HAVE fat. There is a difference. My whole life I was a skinny girl. I could eat whatever I wanted and it didn't matter. Then I got pregnant. I was young (19) and dumb. I really thought I could still eat whatever, cause you you know I was "eating for 2". I was wrong. I gained 60 pounds. Even after having the baby I was still 30 pounds heavier than I used to be. With each successive child I gained more. I tipped the scale at 200 after my 7th child. It was then that I realized my weight was out of control.

I tried diet after diet with little or no success. I exercised, I ate healthy, I REALLY tried to lose weight. It was then that I realized something very important. I was putting myself down, I was treating myself so horrible because of the extra weight that it was effecting the way I interacted with my family and friends. I wouldn't go swimming because I feared what I looked like in a swim suit, I didn't want to wear anything that was form fitting or that would show I was fat. Have you ever been clothes shopping just to realize that NOTHING hides your fat? Shopping was not fun. I hated myself more and more every time I tried on clothes. I knew it needed to stop. I realized that my daughters were watching me and I was unintentionally telling them that body size and shape matters. 

Size doesn't matter. Shape doesn't matter.  I am no where near where I want to be, but it doesn't matter. I will eventually loose all the extra weight, but I am not going to stress about it or exercise my body to death. It will come off eventually because I know it will.

Let me tell you something else. I am DONE being angry, sad, depressed and all those other roller coaster emotions that go along with feeling fat and worthless!! I am amazing! You are amazing! Everyone is amazing! There is no reason for ANY woman to feel like she is nothing! 

I am finally HAPPY about my body!! I want to point out that my clothes don't fit me quite right, I jiggle in places I shouldn't, I have stretch marks from my knees to my chest, BUT I AM HAPPY. I have so much to be grateful for! I can walk, run, jog, swim, do yoga, play with my kids and there are so many other out there that can't. 

I no longer care what I look like. It really doesn't matter because I am so much more than my weight! It took me nearly 13 years to realize that I am not "fat", I am an AMAZING person with so much to give! I want to enjoy life, not hate it, or tolerate it!  Besides, I realized that happiness is a choice and I choose happiness! How about you?

P.S. All the pictures were taken by my 11 year old daughter. She is trying to learn how to use a camera. :)

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